Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
