So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
