I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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