oh god the rape fog is back!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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