You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
