I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
