Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
