ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
