There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
