he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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