used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's like iHOP with fire
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
