I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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