I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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