I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
