so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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