There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
