I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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