people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
