After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
