I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
