Im at strip club and am horny
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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