He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
