apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
