Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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