we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
