woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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