end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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