I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
operation have a gay friend backfired
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
