ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
