I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
