im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His nipple licking is glorious
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