my phone needs a breathalizer
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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