He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
