he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
