I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
