I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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