Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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