Just fell off a train. Bad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
