I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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