I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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