I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
