Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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