So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
