saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
