woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
