she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
