Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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