thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
