last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you would pick up someone in the library
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
