I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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