i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
