So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
