Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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