Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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