Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
