who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
