I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
