Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You dont lie about slip and slides
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
