The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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