On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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