Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
