My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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