Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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