So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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