Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
