It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
