If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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