hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
