I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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