You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
